Sleep divorce: Imagine you’ve finally gotten into bed, but are suddenly jolted awake by your partner’s restless legs. Or perhaps you’ve wrapped yourself in a blanket, but moments later you have to pull the blanket off. From loud snoring to excessive body heat, these nighttime annoyances often force couples to look for solutions. One growing solution is sleep divorce, a trend that’s changing the way couples prioritize comfort and relationships.
What is sleep divorce?
“Sleep divorce” refers to an arrangement in which couples in an intimate relationship choose to sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms to ensure better rest. “The word ‘divorce’ may sound negative, but sleep divorce can be a positive decision aimed at improving both sleep quality and the relationship,” explains Dr. Sauniya Ahmed, clinical psychologist and director of the Toronto Psychology Clinic.
Rather than enduring nightly discomfort, couples are embracing the idea of co-regulating their sleep patterns. According to Ahmed, better rest leads to better emotional regulation, less irritability and a stronger bond between partners.
Why more couples are opting for a sleep divorce
Dana Infeld, 41, and her husband decided to opt for a sleep divorce after years of sleep disruption. “It was like he was doing acrobatics in his sleep. Neither of us could relax and it started to affect our mood and energy levels,” said Infeld, who lives in Toronto.
Initially, the concept of a sleep divorce felt unconventional, especially when explaining it to friends and family. “People assume there’s something wrong with your relationship,” she said. “But why sacrifice your health to meet societal expectations? We’re happier and healthier because of our sleep divorce.”
Infeld’s story isn’t unique. A survey conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine in 2023 revealed that more than one-third of Americans would occasionally or regularly sleep apart to improve their sleep.
The Science Behind Sleep Divorce
Studies show that poor sleep is linked to a variety of health problems, including heart disease, cognitive disorders, and even shorter lifespans. For couples, disrupted sleep can escalate conflicts, increase emotional stress, and negatively impact intimacy.
Dr. Laura Devlin, a clinical psychologist, notes that poor sleep often leads to irritability and cognitive fog. “When couples share a bed but don’t get good sleep, it leads to increased tension in the relationship,” she said. Sleep divorce can mitigate these problems, allowing partners to get the rest they need to show up at their best.
Cultural perspectives on sleep divorce
Ahmed points out that in some cultures, such as parts of India, sleep divorce is already common. “It’s not uncommon for couples to prioritize sleep by making separate arrangements,” she said. “The difference now is that more people are open to discussing it and acknowledging its benefits.”
Making sleep divorce work
For those considering sleep divorce, communication is key. Partners should openly discuss their needs, address any feelings of rejection, and find ways to maintain intimacy. Options include sharing pre-bedtime rituals, such as reading together or spending time cuddling before going to bed separately. For example, Infeld and her husband make an effort to connect with each other before bedtime. ”
We play video games, watch movies or go out to dinner,” she said. “We still enjoy intimacy, but we rest better by being apart.” Dr. Ahmed suggests that couples experiment with different arrangements, such as sleeping separately during the week and sleeping together on weekends. This balance allows for both restful sleep and physical closeness.
Does sleep divorc affect intimacy?
A common concern about sleep divorce is its potential impact on intimacy. However, couples like Infeld and her husband prove the opposite. She joked, “If I can get pregnant and have a baby at 40, I think our intimacy is going just fine.” For many, sleep divorc is about prioritizing health and happiness. As Ahmed explains, “It’s not just about the number of hours you sleep, but also the quality of that sleep. And when you’re well-rested, you’re better for your partner and your relationship.”
Conclusion on Sleep Divorc
While it may not be for everyone, sleep divorce offers a practical solution for couples who are struggling with sleep incompatibility. By addressing the root of the sleep disturbance and maintaining open communication, partners can enjoy restful nights and a flourishing relationship.
If you’re considering a sleep divorce, remember that prioritizing your well-being doesn’t mean sacrificing your bond asmina mewati
